spring break

Last week was spring break. Highlights included:
-Soaking up UV rays at Lava Hot Springs. The water was too hot, but the sun was just right.
-Being asked by a Filipina (who is about as dark as is humanly possible without being a native African) if she had gotten any tanner.
-Accompanying Danny and his girlfriend to Arches National Park (yup, I was pretty much a loner).
-Listening to the mice howl at the moon.
-Hiking in the rain.
-Camping in the handicap spot.
-Chasing jack rabbits.
-Danny almost walking off the cliff.
-Chesterfried chicken.

blood of the gods.

I decided to check out my family history the other night so I went to the family search website and typed in the name of my maternal great great grandpa. I discovered that someone has been really busy doing genealogy. 41 generations back I discovered a man named Charlemagne. I thought, HOLY COW! so I kept looking. There were all kinds of kings and queens and dukes and counts and emperors. There was even an archbishop. I didn't think that archbishops were supposed to have children. Anyway, my ancestry went all over Western and Northern Europe- France, Spain (I even have an ancestor named Sancho Sanchez), Italy, England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, Belgium, Denmark, Germany, Switzerland, Norway, Sweden, and Finland. I traced one line into Scandanavia back to the first and second centuries AD. That's where things became very interesting. I noticed that there were several generations with names like Godwulf, Flocwald, and Freothalf. They all lived in a place called Asgard. So I googled Asgard and read that it is the mythological home of the Norse gods and I discovered that all of those names are figures from norse mythology. Apparently I am a descendent of Norse gods. I am trying to figure out what kind of advantages this gives me in life. Exciting, huh?

Cheney at BYU?

I just read a press release from BYU that VP Dick Cheney has accepted the invitation of the First Presidency of the LDS church to speak at BYU's commencement on April 26. While I will not protest his right to speak or the right of the First Presidency to invite him, I will say that I believe it was a bad move and I'm happier than ever that I chose to go to the U of U instead of BYU- at least my celebration of four years of education will not include listening to Dick Cheney. I hope that none of the apostles invite him to go hunting while he's in Utah. I also hope he is better at controlling his language during commencement speeches than on the Senate floor. Last I heard, "obscene" language is against BYU's honor code.

push ups

My last companion on my mission was a big Tongan fella who loved to eat, gamble, listen to music, play football, and do push-ups. We helped out at the local Boys and Girls club a couple times a week, which consisted mostly of playing pool with each other and the kids. Apparently it isn't fun to play any kind of game unless there is some kind of wager. Well, since we were missionaries and we were poor we couldn't use money so my companion suggested push-ups as a wager. Needles to say- I did more push-ups in those five weeks than I ever had before or have since. I was recently reminded of this when my mom triumphantly announced to me that she did her first two push-ups ever last Sunday. Congratulations Mom!!

Preston, ID

Preston, Idaho is a nice little town. Its were I grew up and lived for the first eighteen years of my life. Last night I decided to see what kind of information was on Wikipedia about my hometown. I discovered that someone has been having fun with Wikipedia's edit feature. Among other things, I learned that Preston was settled by Greek pioneers, the film "Pearl Harbor" was filmed there, and that some of the trees there are 999,000 feet over air level. What the heck is air level? The nearby town of Franklin apparently is home to several "skyscrappers" and the early settlers in Preston were regularly threatened by bands of Samurai warriors. I can't imagine that any school children would ever write a report about Preston, ID, but if they were to, I think it would turn out pretty good if Wikipedia was their primary source. I checked the history of the article and discovered that it gets changed quite frequently, from people both fixing mistakes and adding them. Here's the link if you want to check it out: www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Preston%2C_ID

On Being Sexy????

There's something about being told that your sexy that does great things for your ego, regardless of who says it. Monday is ladies night at the Salt Lake Metro jail. Its the night that I get stuck in a room with about twenty female inmates. I have never met more frightening women in my life than some of those women that I work with on Monday nights. I'm pretty sure that they would bite me if I made them mad in any way at all. Anyway, this Monday night I was helping a group of ladies with some math problems. After demonstrating that squaring a number is not the same as multiplying it by two, they began to believe that I possessed some kind of superhuman math powers. I've decided that once a woman believes that you have superhuman powers she automatically falls in love with you. This is bad if you've just convinced a classroom of women who wouldn't hesitate to sink their half rotten teeth into your skin that you have super math powers. Then again, it is nice to be told that your sexy, even if its from a woman who could squash you with her bare hands.

gov. arnold

The other night, Danny and I were bored so we had a little bit of fun with the Google directory. We ended up calling Arnold Schwarzenegger. Turns out that he doesn't actually answer his phone, nor does he take messages. However, you can voice your opinion to an operator if you would like.

prison break

For those of you who aren't intimately acquainted with the intricate details of my everyday life, here's a good place to start: I have a job. I spend four evenings of the week at the Salt Lake Metro Jail, teaching, tutoring, and giving tests to inmates. As an employee of Granite School District I get paid from the state tax revenue- so remember to pay your taxes so that I don't have to get laid off. Anyway, last night I went to give a math test to a few inmates in their pod and interrupted their Monday evening entertainment: Prison Break on FOX. I thought it was really ironic that they were sitting in jail watching Prison Break. I've actually wondered before if they were allowed to watch it- I guess they are.

strange bathroom behavior

The other day I walked into a bathroom in one of the buildings on campus and was immediately caught off guard by something not common to men's restrooms: talking. And not only that, but the person doing the talking was in a stall! I immediately noticed that both of the stalls in the bathroom were occupied and I jumped to the conclusion that guys in the two different stalls were talking to each other. Then I realized that I was only hearing one voice. I finally decided that the guy was either talking on his cell phone or to himself, or that the guy in the other stall just wasn't responding for some reason. But come on, who talks on their cell phone while using the restroom- especially a public one. This experience made me wonder if I've ever had a phone conversation with someone who was sitting on a toilet in a public restroom. For some reason it seems like this might be a more common practice among women. Maybe some ladies can inform me.

romantic experiences

Is it possible to have a romantic experience with someone that you are not in the least interested in romantically? Apparently it is for some people. I had such an experience once (at least the person I was with at the time had such an experience- I'm not sure what kind of experience I had). It all happened one moonlit night in the ancient city of Alexandria, Egypt. I went out to eat with a group of people at a Chinese restaurant on the roof of a fancy hotel. Afterwards, one of the ladies with us (who was over twice my age and at least twice my size) asked me if I would like to go on a quest for juice with her. In Egypt they have these really cool juice bars where they make fresh juice from whatever kind of fruit is in season at the time. We walked to a nearby juice bar and I believe we each drank a strawberry juice. Then my companion suggested that we try a different juice bar that she had heard was spectacular and compare the juices. This particular juice bar was situated along the coast out towards the peninsula where the ancient lighthouse used to stand. Neither of us was exactly sure where this juice bar was exactly so we just started walking and kept walking and kept walking and walked some more and then we walked even further. Just when we were about to give up and turn around there it was. It was like we had stumbled into a tropical paradise: there were bananas and watermelons and mangoes hanging from the ceiling and piled up all around us. The only problem was that they didn't have any strawberries. But that was ok, cuz the watermelon juice was better than any strawberry juice I'd ever had. Anyway, we sat there and sipped on our juice and listened to the waves crash along the shore and had a nice conversation. Then, my companion noticed the horse drawn carriages that kept going up and down the road along the coastline. Nothing could be more romantic than a carriage ride along the coast in Alexandria (that is if you ignore the traffic and the honking and the yelling and all of the people staring at you because you're white). So caught a carriage and proceeded to ride along the coast towards the old fortress of Qait Bay and then back down to the Library of Alexandria. The mosques were all lit up in bright white and green lights and the library was a bright glowing blue. The moon sat in the sky above us (actually I have no memory of there being a moon, but it adds to the romantic feel of the evening). My companion looked over at me and said "Isn't this romantic." Then she added (to my relief) "You know, you don't have to be with your beau to have a romantic experience." In the end the evening was very nice and I had a good time- but it would have been nice to have had such a "romantic" experience with someone that I was romantically interested in.

more flimping

Apparently ice cream isn't the only thing being flimped lately. Mint has also been flimped.

more political stuff

Here is a quote by Barack Obama:

You want a fight, President Bush? Let's fight to make sure our so-called allies in the Middle East, the Saudis and the Egyptians, stop oppressing their own people, and suppressing dissent, and tolerating corruption and inequality, and mismanaging their economies so that their youth grow up without education, without prospects, without hope, the ready recruits of terrorist cells.

You want a fight, President Bush? Let's fight to wean ourselves off Middle East oil through an energy policy that doesn't simply serve the interests of Exxon and Mobil.

Those are the battles that we need to fight. Those are the battles that we willingly join. The battles against ignorance and intolerance. Corruption and greed. Poverty and despair

I think he hits it right on the head here. After spending some time in Egypt I can attest to the fact that the oppressive government there drives its citizens into terrorism. We claim to fight terror at the same time that we support the Egyptian and Saudi governments. How much sense does that make.

The most recent flimping

My roommate J.R. (yes, that's an alias) has been flimping ice cream lately on a fairly regular basis I believe. This is the most recent flimping that I am aware of.

Politically minded

Well, I've been doing really good at staying away from political issues in my blogging, but most people who know me very well, know that I tend to have somewhat strong political views. After looking at the candidates who are running for president in 2008 I've decided to support Barack Obama as the best candidate for president. Some of my fellow Mormons may be disappointed that I'm going for Mitt Romney, but with his latest appeals to the "Christian" Right, he lost my vote. I consider myself a Democrat, usually, although I try to avoid labels. I've heard before that you can't be a good Mormon and a Democrat, but I will argue that I am a Democrat because I am a Mormon. I strongly believe that Mormon values are more in line with the principles of the Democratic Party. I'll write more about this later, but for now I've added a link to the Mormons for Obama blog- its got some good stuff, including a blog about why the Iraq war is not in line with LDS teachings.

Falling in love

I just talked to my aunt Jamie- the one who is arranging my marriage. I'm going to Malad on Saturday to have the date of the century. I called Jamie to tell her that I would be there at about six o'clock. Her response was: "What?? We were expecting you a lot earlier than that. Don't you know that you can't fall in love on a short date? It takes long dates!!" I'm not sure what I've gotten myself into. She eventually made me agree to be there by five- which was still later than she was planning for. I guess when you live 4 hours apart it takes long dates to fall in love.
A friend recently told me that blind dates are for the birds. I'm afraid she might be right.

Why I Believe in Fortune Cookies

If you have read my previous blog entitled "My Fondest Dreams" you will know that I tend to put more faith in fortune cookies than I probably should. This all started about three years ago. One rainy fall afternoon I locked my keys in my car over on the west side of town (Rose Park). I found a cop and asked him for some help, but he said that he couldn't help because of liability issues. So I found a phone book and called a locksmith. He said that it would cost about $80 for him to open my door. Then I called my mom because she is a genius and can solve any problem in the world. She had a fantastic idea: she would call the dealership in Preston where my car came from and get the code for the key. I didn't even know that keys had codes. Well, it worked. She got the code- I called a locksmith and gave it to him- then I called my friend Danny, who always rescues me when I'm in trouble, and he agreed to pick up the key and bring it to me. In the meantime, I walked to a nearby Chinese restaraunt to get out of the rain and wait for Danny. I ordered some chicken or something and had a nice meal. Then came the moment that Chinese restaraunts were invented for- the opening of the fortune cookie. I carefully cracked it open (actually I probably just bit half of it off and started chewing), I unfolded the paper, and I read these words: Doors that have previously been closed to you will soon be opened. Within a few minutes Danny arrived with my key- and my car door was no longer closed to me.

Glasses

I've had the same pair of glasses for about six years now- which might be a world record. I've never had any troubles with them until just recently I noticed that one of the screws is loose. So today I was messing around with it and popped it out, which wasn't supposed to happen. The screw landed on the floor and is now lost among a jungle of carpet fibers. Considering the fact that glass frame screws are only slightly larger than a protazoa, I gave up after only a few minutes of searching. I can't really live without my glasses so I stuck a staple in the hole and twisted it around pretty good. I would really like to get lasik so that I don't have to worry about glasses troubles anynmore- and so that I can enjoy the luxury of wearing sunglasses whenever I want to.

blind dates

My aunt Jamie, who is one of the funniest people I know, has been working very hard to arrange a marriage between her nephew (me) and her niece ( who is not my cousin). This situation officially became scary when my aunt left me a voice-mail that said something like: "Zac, you better be excited cuz I've got your wife picked out." Well, it looks like things are starting to come together and we are actually going to meet sometime in February. She lives in Rexburg, ID and, of course, I live in Salt Lake, about 4 hours apart, so we're going to meet in the middle in the thriving metropolis of Malad (which is French for disease or something) to prepare for the rest of eternity. I guess we're going to double with my un-cousin's sister, who happens to be engaged. This somewhat reminds me of the last blind date I went on. On that particular date we doubled with the girl's cousin and her date. For most of the date, the two cousins talked about family stuff that didn't make any sense to me- it was actually one of the only dates that I've been on that I couldn't wait to end. The girls name was Bret, which is my Dad's name (and my middle name), which is weird. I was really tempted to tell her that she had the same name as my Dad, but I never got the nerve. I actually regret that now. Well, I guess I'll see how this next shot at blind dating works out. At least I know that she doesn't have the same name as my Dad- but being my Aunt's niece is still kind of strange.

I'm your angel, baby.......

I just got my hair cut by an obese lady with oxygen tubes in her nose. She was definitely not your average beautician. After asking if I wanted dreadlocks, she proceeded to simultaneously cut my hair and sing "I'm your angel, baby, let me rock your cradle." When she was done she asked me if I was glad that she had cut my hair the way I told her to and not the way that she thought would look good. I'm not sure how I was supposed to respond to that question. Then she let me know that I didn't have any split ends, "which is a good thing," she said. What????

Bag Ladies

I saw an interesting statistic in Harper's Index: the chance that white American women worry about becoming bag ladies is 1 in 2. The chance that African-American women worry about becoming bag ladies is 1 in 3. Why are women so worried about becoming bag ladies? I don't think very many women actually experience being bag ladies during their lifetime, and anyway, would it really be that bad?

Hypothetical Situation

Don't you love it when people ask you a question about a "hypothetical situation" thats so obviously real that your answer begins with, "I think you should....." That happened to me today. After I began to answer, the person who had asked the question decided that if she re-asked it and switched the genders of the people in the story that it would make it "more" hypothetical. All it really did was make it weird because she was referring to herself as a "he" and to the boy as a "she". She succeeded at confusing me, but I was surprised at how well she kept the "he"s and the "she"s consistent throughout the story. In the end the answer was still, "Just marry him."

Any Qataris Out There?

I need to find 15 people from Qatar who speak Arabic. If you are Qatari please let me know.

Am I Delusional too?

The last two nights I have been watching the new season of American Idol just like the majority of American TV viewers. At first I actually felt like a bad person for indulging in entertainment that exploits the embarassment of other people. But then I realized that America has a problem with delusionality. I think that sometimes we focus too much on pursuing our dreams whatever they may be. Rather, we should look at our lives and figure out who we are, what talents we do and do not have, and how much we are willing to sacrifice for our dreams b4 we start dreaming. Well, I'm afraid that I may also have the "American Idol" complex. I recently applied to be a contestant on The Amazing Race. I might embarass myself worse than some of the American Idol wannabes. Am I delusional too?

Happy MLK, JR. Day

This year I went all out with the MLK JR. Day celebrations. It started last week with a performance of Angela's Mix tape starring Eisa Davis on Tuesday. Wednesday I went to the lecture by Angela Davis and decided that I don't like prisons (I'm not sure what to do about that, though). Friday was the MLK Commission on Human Rights luncheon at which the President of Spellman College in Atlanta spoke. I also met a creepy guy named Steven there, but thats a story for another time. Friday night I went to a concert by the Spellman College Glee Club. On Monday the festivities culminated with an electrifying performance by Guapale. I think she's pregnant- if anyone knows for sure let me know. Anyway, I hope everybody's Martin Luther King Jr. Day was as good as mine.

Zac's got Crap for Brains

I am writing this blog to officially confess to myself and the world that I am an official sign-up-aholic. I am aware that this is the first step to recovery. I've had this problem since I was in high school and I signed up for the French club, the German club, the Civic club, Jazz band, Pep band, Cross-country, track, school musicals and plays, choir, wood shop, seminary, ballroom dance, hike and bike club, academic olympiad, and Aca-deca. I think I even signed up for the Business Professionals of America, and I know I wanted to sign up for Future Farmers of America. Anyway, this has continued to haunt me- like the day I signed up for three different marathons, and the day I signed up for a second major, and the day I signed up for a global scavenger hunt (this was like three days ago). This morning I went to a scholarship fair hoping to sign up for some scholarships but left after signing up for a dance-a-thon. I signed up to be a package handler at UPS once and ended up doing that for a year and half. My co-workers loved to make fun of me. Everyday they would taunt me: "Zac's got crap for brains". After signing up for a dance-a-thon I'm wondering if they were right. Its a 26 and a half hour dancing event at the Student Union and I can't even sleep! Well, I've done the first step to recovery, but I'm not sure what to do next. If anyone is familiar with the steps to overcoming addictions please let me know.
*this post has been edited from its original form in consideration of my more sensitive readers.

My Fondest Dreams

So its New Year's Eve and I am at the Holliday Inn in Ellensburg, Washington listening to the UB40 version of "I Got You Babe", wishing I had a "Babe", and writing a Blog. Pretty exciting, huh? Well, its more exciting than you think, because I've discovered that I have a really strange, superstitious side to me. I generally tend to not be superstitious at all, but for some reason fortune cookies really get to me. I actually believe them sometimes and that kind of scares me now that I think about it. Anyway, on September 28 I went to a friends wedding and got a fortune cookie. My fortune said "Your fondest dream will come true by the end of the year". I've spent the last few months trying to figure out what my fondest dream was so I would know what to look forward to. Well, there are now less than three hours left in the year and I still don't know whats going to happen. Its been very stressful. My dad had to go to Washington this weekend I was trying to decide whether or not I should go with him. I had three choices for the end of the year: I could stay in Idaho, go back to Salt Lake, or go to Washington with my dad. I had a hell of a time trying to figure out which place would be the most suitable for the realization of my fondest dream. I thought it would probably be best to go back to SLC, but then I thought that if its really supposed to happen it will happen regardless of where I am so now I'm in Washington. My mom called last night and made everything even weirder. She wanted to know if a Japanese guy had called me. Apparently someone had called my home in Idaho and wanted to talk to me. My mom said he sounded like he had a Japanese accent and he talked really quietly, but she didn't get any more information than that- she gave him my cell number and thought he would call me. This morning I woke up with all kinds of ideas of who this mystery caller was and how he could possibly be related to my fondest dream (don't interpret this wrong- my fondest dreams aren't necessarily romantic). I've spent the day in suspense and anticipation. Well, times running short and I'm starting to lose faith- I wonder if fortune cookies depend on faith. Maybe I'll learn not to trust fortune cookies so much. If anyone knows who the mystery caller is let me know.

Tupac

I recently read an article about the life and music of Tupac Shakur that really fascinated me. I've been reading quite a bit about him since then and made the discovery that he was incredibly talented outside of being the king of rap. He wrote a lot of poetry and a book of his poems has actually been published. The book is called The Rose That Grew From Concrete. Here is the poem that the book is named after- I think its really cool.

Did you hear about the rose that grew
from a crack in the concrete?
Proving nature's law is wrong it
learned to walk with out having feet.
Funny it seems, but by keeping it's dreams,
it learned to breathe fresh air.
Long live the rose that grew from concrete
when no one else ever cared.

DDR

I think I spent more money playing arcade games this week than I ever have in a given week. Actually, it was only one game- Dance Dance Revolution. I think I spent about $2. I've never really been into arcade games or electronic games of any kind until my friend Julia enticed me to start playing DDR with her at her apartment using a playstation and DDR pads. I slowly progressed from the beginner level to the light mode, and now I can even pass the standard mode sometimes. Well, last Friday after our Ramadan break the fast dinner (I will write about this in the future) we plopped a few quarters into the DDR machine at the Union arcade on the U campus and started stomping on a machine to the beat of techno music while flourescent pink and green lights lit up around our feet. We finally went public with our dancing/video game playing talent. I have heard that only Asians can really play DDR, but Julia and I are working hard to break that stereotype. We met at the Union once again on Tuesday and then again on Wednesday to play the game. Thursday we played for a couple hours on the playstation. DDR is a great game- its fun, its good excersize, and it involves music. It couldn't get any better. If you haven't tried it several times you should.

I've Been Flimped

I suppose that I should use this first blog to explain what it means to be flimped. To be honest, I don't think it really means anything, but some linguist back in the seventies proposed that it would be impossible for a language to have a verb 'to flimp' where 'to flimp something' means 'to kiss a girl who is allergic to that thing'. For example, if I were to flimp whiskey, that would mean that I kissed a girl who is allergic to whiskey. Anyway, its kind of silly, but I don't see why such a word couldn't exist. It would be a good way to talk about people, when you don't want everybody to know who you are talking about. A conversation could go something like this:
Me: "Hey Jonny, how was your weekend?"
Jonny: "Rad"
Me: "What happened that was so great?"
Jonny: "I flimped papaya"
Immediately I would know that he kissed Harriet, because she is the only girl that I know who is allergic to papaya. I do realize that there are some problems with using "flimp"; it requires that both participants in the conversation know who is allergic to what and that the "what" that they are allergic to isn't something like peanuts or bees or cats or penecillin because those things don't narrow it down very well. Anyway, good luck flimping.
(Oh, I should mention that Jonny and Harriet aren't real people [however, they may have been inspired by real people])