Half-asses and breast baring turkeys

So I got myself a little summer job- it's actually kind of fun. I am a wagon driver at This is the Place Heritage Park. It's kind of a crazy place, but I like my job. I get to be outside with the horses all day and give rides to goofy people and their annoying children. Oh, and I have to wear a costume. Yesterday I drove a team of mules instead of horses. I've decided to place mules into the category of animals that I don't like. They're mean, ornery, stubborn, scared of everything that moves or makes noise, and they never get tired. They ran away from me three times yesterday. The first time was before I even caught them. I put up a bar across the front door of the barn so that I didn't have to actually shut the door, but so I could herd the mules into the barn and they couldn't get out. It turns out that, unlike horses, mules can crawl under things. I herded them in through the back door of the barn and a few seconds later they had crawled out the front door. Well, a little while later we got them herded back into the barn. We harnessed them and I drove them out of the barn to hook them up to the wagon. When I got to the wagon, my helper guy had disappeared. I couldn't hook then up to the wagon by myself, so I tried to just hold them there for a few minutes and wait for him to come help me. But before he came, a couple guys on riding lawnmowers started driving towards us. The mules went crazy and started running down the road. I held them as long as I could, but I just couldn't keep up. Pretty soon they were running through the apple orchard and eventually they got tangled up in an apple tree. Well, my helper finally showed up and we got the mules hitched to the wagon and drove them for a few hours. After we got them unhitched and were driving them back into the barn to unharness them, the mules got spooked again and took off running. We finally caught them and got everything taken care of, but I'll never view mules in the same light. I hope I never have to do anything with mules ever again. Mules may only be half-asses but I now have a much better understanding of why calling someone an "ass" is such a universal insult.

I kind of felt bad for my helper guy- I was trying to be a really decent guy and watch my language and everything, but those mules brought out the worst in me. I think that after a few days of trying to make a good impression, he was a little shocked to hear some of the things that came out of my mouth. Oh well, working with mules is like nothing I've ever done before and I hope I never do it again.

The mules aren't the only interesting things at the park. There's also a fat, old turkey that wobbles around the petting corral all day. It has rubbed all of the feathers off its breasts and walks around with a puffed up chest flaunting its bare breasts at the visitors. Its quite the animal.